


Trying to Remember

by Trammel



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Friendship, Gen, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Rhodey Is a Good Bro, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-18
Updated: 2017-01-18
Packaged: 2018-09-18 10:01:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9379559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trammel/pseuds/Trammel
Summary: Tony had the piano moved from storage to the Avengers facility, setting it up in a small, private den that he hardly ever used. He doesn't know what prompted him to come in here today, but suddenly he is here, sitting on the bench, placing his hands on the keys.





	

He refuses to let her be one of the things he won't think about. There are so many. So many things, people, times, feelings, that he can't let into his head for fear of completely losing it. He is ok, he is, he tells himself every day. At first Rhodey was the only reason he got out of bed in the morning after coming back from Siberia. But then, there is more work, continuing the good he is trying to do, and now there's Peter. Peter is a good reason to get up in the morning, too. And Tony knows there are more kids out there that could use help.

So he has to focus on that. All of that. He can't afford to remember when he had so many people around he couldn't believe it. A team to fight with, a friend to work in the lab with, who could understand everything he said, an amazing woman to come home to at night, the right voice in his ear when he was in the suit…

He won't forget them, he won't, but he can't think about them. He _can't._ If he tries he will fall to pieces and even Rhodey won't be able to pick them all up.

But her, he will remember her.

Tony had the piano moved from storage to the Avengers facility, setting it up in a small, private den that he hardly ever used. He doesn't know what prompted him to come in here today, but suddenly he is here, sitting on the bench, placing his hands on the keys.

And he has promised himself, as strong as the promises he made to himself when he came back from the cave, he's promised he will not forget her. The smell of her perfume, the long-gone - long, long gone, but still remaining feel of her arms around him. Her voice, always kind, lacking the anger and fucking hate that Howard's so often contained.

He is going to try to play again. He's rusty, but it comes back to him quickly. Most things do. He only has to glance once at the sheet music F.R.I.D.A.Y. pulls up for him, starts to play the first few notes and it all comes back. All of it.

Sitting beside his mother on the piano bench, swinging his legs that weren't long enough to reach the ground yet, always fidgeting, but happy to listen to her. Her patience at teaching him, even when he made mistakes. Howard only cared about showing him off, even in this, but Maria seemed to love spending time with Tony even when there were no spectators around.

Tony realizes he's stumbled over a note, not because he's forgotten it, but because his hands are shaking. He closes his eyes a moment to get a hold of himself, then starts again.

 _Try to remember the kind of September_  
When life was slow and oh, so mellow.  
Try to remember…

OK, that's it. He can do this. Just play it once through. Just once.

For her.

He manages to get through the first verse, hearing her voice in his head.

 _Try to remember the kind of September_  
When you were a young and callow fellow,  
Try to remember and if you remember then follow.

He has more difficulty in the second verse, even though the notes are the same, but he pushes himself on. But there is something wrong with his eyes, and after a moment he feels his tears dripping onto his hands, and he is messing up the notes again.

Tony stops, pulling his hands back and wrapping his arms around himself, closing his eyes.

God, it still hurts so much. _All of it._

He's trying to stop his tears, to quiet himself. This won't do anyone any good. After a moment, he hears steps come into the room. It can only be Rhodey - the legs he's been perfecting are almost silent, but Tony can always recognize the sound of his own tech.

Rhodey doesn't speak, just sits down beside Tony on the bench, and Tony feels sleek metal against his thigh, and the warmth of his friend's arm pressed against his. Holding him up. Always.

The music starts up again. Tony opens his eyes to see Rhodey playing the song, not even needing to look at the music. He imbues the notes with so much feeling, and the pain in Tony's chest is tempered by a fierce, unstoppable rush of love.

Rhodey doesn't look up from the keys, keeps playing as he speaks.

"Gotta help me out, Tones. I always forget the words."

Tony knows it's a lie and loves him for it. He clears his throat, then manages to find his voice.

 _"Deep in December it's nice to remember_  
Without a hurt the heart is hollow.  
Deep in December it's nice to remember  
The fire of September that made you mellow.  
Deep in December our hearts should remember then follow."

Tony's voice trails off as Rhodey finishes the song, but he immediately starts playing it again. He nudges Tony with his shoulder, and Tony starts singing again, Rhodey joining in. Tony's voice starts out too frail, but then grows stronger, clearer, buoyed by Rhodey's.

 _"Try to remember when life was so tender_  
That no one wept except the willow.  
Try to remember when life was so tender  
That dreams were kept beside your pillow."

They sing it all the way through, and with each word the raw pain in Tony's chest turns into a more tolerable ache. And his tears have stopped.

Rhodey turns to look at Tony, no pity in his eyes, never. Just friendship and love.

"Haven't heard you play in a while," Tony questions.

"Well, I been brushing up. Kinda in secret," Rhodey smiles. "Didn't think you'd mind if I used it." He reaches out one hand to lightly touch the piano keys, while the other comes to rest on Tony's leg. Solid and warm.

Tony puts his hand over Rhodey's, and manages to keep his voice from breaking.

"No. I don't mind. Don't mind at all."

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this in present tense and it was so hard to maintain that! And I can't get the formatting right...


End file.
